LIVING ARRANGMENTS
by elvenonion
Summary: The hobbits minus Merry are living together. Choas ensues!
1. Newspapers, chicken suits, and crumbs

"How'd it go Mr.Frodo?"

"..."

Frodo plopped down on the leopard-print sofa and turned on Ally McBeal.

"That bad, huh?"

Sam sat down next to him. "You know..There are other jobs out there besides working at Abercrombie and Fitch."He tried to grab his newspaper away from Frodo, who he knew would tear it to shreds any minute now.."BUT SAM," Frodo wept "Its my **DREAM JOB**!" Sam sighed. "Well, Pippin didn't get HIS dream job and he's fine."

Suddenly a giant chicken kicked down the door and limped to his room.

"You call THAT fine!" Frodo sobbed.

Sam didn't respond. He was too busy wondering where Pippin ended up working anyway. ...but then he remembered, he didn't really _care_. The sound of Frodo ripping up his newspaper in anguish brought him back to reality. "You know Mr.Frodo, you shouldn't rip up the newspaper like that, I just cleaned this floor!" he pouted. Frodo just stared with those humongous orbs he calls eyes. Sam involuntarily twitched as he shuffled off to find the dust buster.

Pippin ripped off the chicken suit and kicked it. He seethed for a bit, then started to calm down when he saw the neighbor staring at him from out her window.

"WHAT?"

"PUT ON SOME CLOTHES!"

"..."

"..."

"GWRAWR!" Pippin shouted in Scottish rage, and he slammed the window.

"_Stupid neighbor..._"he thought. "_Mabey I didn't **want **to put on clothes. She ever think of that? I'm in **my** house, I'm allowed to run around in my undies whenever I want..._"He sighed. "_At least I **used** to..._"

(FLASHBACK)

Pippin was screaming "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" at the top of his lungs as he zoomed around the room in his "undies".

Then it happened.

Frodo came home...and he wasn't alone.

NOOOOOOO! SAM WAS BACK FROM AFRICA!

Pippin screeched to a halt and stared wide-eyed in horror.

So did Sam.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING! PUT SOMETHING ON!" Sam bellowed, dropping his suitcases and running to the window. He pulled down the blinds. "SOMEONE COULD SEE YOU!"he hissed. Pippin raised an eyebrow. "So?"

"SO!"

"#(!)!JKDLX(XU L)(GREW)&(YQKJOAO(&UDJHIO)#YHSIOWHSUI&(WUSYYTXYGT&TXN&TE$&YUkI&#()HWSUY)HNSUGE&EHJFDTRAwrR#AS&UNUPicKleWISTY&GBNRDBGFTDSWEDFG&R#$&UH&YTDE$GR#Y(#GHED&YHSU(OSY(&YKITTie&(&TG&WE(&UW(JAUYW&!"

The rest of Sam's lengthy speech about why you should never parade around in your "undies" was white noise to Pippin.

(END OF FLASHBACK)

Putting on his "I-love-Mandy Moore" Pjs, and grabbing a bag of Ruffles, he went back into the living room. Frodo was crying. Sam was vacuuming. Another normal in the Brandy-bag-took-gee house. The only thing that was missing was Merry.

"I hope Merry finds his way home soon..." Pippin said.

"eh..." Sam said.

Pippin flung crumbs all over where Sam had just vacuumed and stuck out his tongue.

Sam glared, and went over the spot again.

"Serves him right. I mean really! Who's dumb enough to ask Legolas for directions! HE'S BLOND!"

Pippin dropped more chips.

Sam twitched and vacuumed some more.

"_Tee-hee, this is fun!"_ Pippin thought to himself. For the next ten minutes or so it was drop, vacuum, drop, vacuum , until Pippin was out of chips. He frowned. Then he remembers there was some grahm crackers in the pantry so he bustled off to get them.

Frodo had stopped crying for the moment...then he realized there was no more newspaper to shred so he started crying again.

Sam sighed. "Frodo..."

Frodo ignored him.

"**Frodo..**"

" (more crying) "

"**FRODO!**"

"Huh?"

Sam sighed and shook his head. "Frodo, if you want a job there SO BADLY, mabey you should act less like a giggling school girl and more professional during your interview."

"Sam, I think your right!" Frodo said. He leapt off the couch.

"TOMORROW I WILL BE PROFESSIONAL!"


	2. Fitch Is a bitch!

Frodo ran out of Abercrombie and Fitch crying.

"_Why won't they hire me! I was professional! IM WEARING A DAMN SUIT!_" he thought, while running to the boy's bathroom. He sat on the floor, sniffling, when he saw Aragorn, carving something into the floor with his sword. After Aragorn left, Frodo scuttled over to it, curious of what it said.

The message that was engraved into the tile inspired Frodo to stand up for himself.

"_A&F crushed my dreams...I must take my fiery vengance!"_

Sam was in Old Navy, looking for some new sun glasses(it was their president's day sale after all) when he thought he smelt smoke.

At first he ignored it, and kept browsing. But something inside him was screaming. Relying on his gut instinct, he shoved the sun glasses into his pocket, and ran out of the store.

He was quite a sight, running around the mall, sniffing like mad. But he had to find the source of the fire. Then he remembered something: Frodo was prone to run into the bathrooms crying. ARAGORN was in there. Sam knew the kind of thing Aragorn carves into random objects when he's bored! OH NO! FRODO WAS IN TROUBLE! He ran up the escalator, across the food court, shoved through a pack of teenagers, and cut through the Sam Goody to get to where he knew the fire was: Abercrombie and Fitch.

Well, it wasn't exactly a _fire_...it was a torch...seven actually. Frodo had built a booth. Around the booth was the seven torches. Written across the booth in blood-red letters was "FITCH IS A BITCH!"

Frodo was chanting "FITCH IS A BITCH!" over and over again. He was snarling at those brave fewpassed his little display to go in the store. He was drawing quite a crowd, mainly of anti-preps who were cheering him on.

Sam thought he was gonna throw up.

Frodo was now standing on top his poorly-constructed booth and yelling "Who's a bitch?" to which the crowd would yell back "Fitch!"

Then Frodo stepped down and spoke. "Now, my brothers and sisters! I have here seven lit torches! But I have several un-lit ones! Together we must get rid of this blemish on the face of the mall!"

The shoppers were mortified.

The crowd fled.

Frodo's smile faded.

Sam walked up to him. "I think you went a little overboard."

"You're just jealous that I can raise an angry mob in about five minutes and you can't."

"Let's go home..."

"WAIT!" said Frodo.

He ran into the store and grabbed a pair of overly ripped jeans. "I want these."


End file.
